Binge Eating

I suspect you are like me. There are certain foods that, once you start eating, you can’t stop. The old Pringles mantra comes to mind: “Once you pop, the fun don’t stop” (ironically enough I don’t really enjoy Pringles). In the spirit of binge eating, I humbly present my top ten foods that I simply cannot have 1 reasonable serving of.

10. Dumplings

Seriously. Can you eat just like 6 dumplings? Is that even possible? I treat them more like potato chips and just keep going.

9. Sushi

This is why any sushi that isn’t all you can eat is a bad (and expensive) idea. I mean who the fuck is full after 6 pieces of sushi?

8. Peanut Butter

Yeah I know. Gross. But I fucking love peanut butter. Me, a movie, a jar of peanut butter, and a spoon. Good times had by all.

7. Potato Chips

Have you ever started a large bag of chips and not finished it? Yeah, me neither.

6. Chicken Nuggets

McDonalds, is that a joke? 6 piece nuggets is a meal? That would have fed me when I was 3 years old. I once ate 40. They are delicious.

5. Fried Chicken

Yeah, I’m the asshole who orders the bucket. For me. No sharing. I don’t care if I pass out from a food coma right after. Those 12 pieces of chicken were worth it.

4. Bacon

            Do I really need to explain this one?

3. Popcorn

“Hey, I’ll share this popcorn with everyone and make it last the whole movie!” Fuck. No. My large popcorn is gone by the end of the previews.

2. Anything on the McDonalds value meal

McDouble. McChicken (or junior chicken if you’re Canadian). 4 piece nugget. Nothing is better than taking 15 bucks and mixing and matching. The haul is better than trick or treating.

1. Pizza

Nothing tops Pizza. I can’t share pizza. I can’t save Pizza. I have to eat it all. It’s the only way.